


Trinity

by stanuriscurlis



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Depression, F/M, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jewish Character, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Religious Guilt, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Suicidal Thoughts, coming of age kinda, lots of sadness, parents are kind of non existing, traumatized kids
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-10 02:19:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12289143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stanuriscurlis/pseuds/stanuriscurlis
Summary: It had been months after Pennywise disappeared, and Bill felt elated and tortured at the same time, but if he knew what was coming he would go back and drag out the sorrow he felt in those months. Hell, he would even face Pennywise again.Pennywise would be a saint compared to the monster that was heading their way- but no, he wasn’t even a monster, he was just a man. Which somehow made it worse.





	1. false sins

  
It had been months since Pennywise disappeared. Months of a mixture of peace and ghosts in their sleep. Georgie calling his name in the depths of his mind, night terrors forcing him awake covered in sweat and tears. Every day was torture for Bill, depression nibbling at his insides and blank stares of melancholy from his friends making him feel guilty for not being able to calm the storms in their minds.

  
They all had good days, but they also had bad days. Beverly had visited a few times since she left, those were usually the good days. She was like a breath of fresh air, making them breathe normal again.

  
Ben was alive again when she was around, or whenever she wrote him. He still had scars from claws that wouldn’t let him forget those summer days. He confessed to the remaining boys that he’s glad its winter- layers and layers of thermals and scarves make him feel normal. They hide the unseen truth.

  
Mike tried to hold them together, he was the strongest out of them. The bravest. Bill often found himself jealous of just how composed Mike could be. He admired his ability to switch a flip and be the person he wanted to be and Bill suspected Mike hid his pain until he could get home. For one night, they were at Richie’s, for a sleepover. Everyone was asleep, aside from Bill and Mike. Mike was in the bathroom for hours. The sink’s water running kept Bill awake. Bill worriedly went to check up on him and Mike just said he was still cleaning Henry’s blood from his hands. That was the only time he saw Mike crack.

  
Unlike Richie, who acted the happiest out of all of them, but they knew it was false. He joked his way into being normal with a horrible accent and a wide grin on his face. Bill tried to get him to open up so many times, but the only person who could make Richie drop the faux persona was Eddie and Eddie would always know when Richie needed him. He knew when Richie’s smiles were smaller than usual and he knew when Richie’s jokes lacked humor. When Richie was having a difficult day, it was usually a difficult day for everyone- because if Richie didn’t try to make them laugh, then who would?

  
Eddie changed after Pennywise, and Bill wants to believe he changed for the best, but sometimes Eddie was so cold and calculated that Bill thought of the movie ‘invasion of the body snatchers’. Eddie used to be the softest of the group, fragile and pleasant to be around, but now he was confident in ways he never was before and he could also be cruel. It was so unlike the Eddie before. Bill was wary around him lately, Bill was babying Richie one night, and Eddie had yelled at him that he couldn’t replace Georgie with Richie. Eddie had cried the rest of the night, out of guilt and shame. Granted, Eddie always felt horrible after a spontaneous mood change. Eddie was never mean to Richie though. With Richie, Eddie was soft again, light even. He was more himself than even before Pennywise tormented them.

  
Just like how Bill was with Stanley and what would Bill be without Stan? Stanley’s need for cleanliness and reassurance grew rapidly after their battle with the monster. Stanley doesn’t like to talk about it, but Bill knows what Stan’s tight smile really means. Much like Richie and Eddie, Bill and Stanley got a lot closer after Pennywise. Bill would never say it out loud, but he was kind of grateful of Pennywise for that. Which is easier to say now that the dancing clown is dead, but Bill all the sudden found himself falling for Stanley’s curl and kind brown eyes. They supported each other in a way the others never could. Bill found himself stuttering less when it was just the two of them, and Stanley stopped flattening his shirt.

Those were the good days though, because Stanley somehow picked up a new compulsion. He got into moods where he would repeat himself repeatedly. 3 times. 3 times exactly. No more or no less. The others didn’t know how to deal with It. They would just look to Bill for guidance or maybe out of sympathy.  
The first few times Stanley started this tick, they asked him what was wrong. Richie joked about him being broken. Stanley went on a long tangent about how three signifies completeness and stability, as represented by the three Patriarchs and the three pilgrimage festivals –Passover, Shavuot, and Sukkot and how he needed to be cleansed by God. Somehow if he repeated himself 3 times God would protect, heal, and guide him. The others were concerned, but Bill just wanted to support him. Stanley was an angel after all, if you asked him. Bill just wished Stan could see it as well.

  
-  
It had been months after Pennywise disappeared, and Bill felt elated and tortured at the same time, but if he knew what was coming he would go back and drag out the sorrow he felt in those months. Hell, he would even face Pennywise again.

  
Pennywise would be a saint compared to the monster that was heading their way- but no, he wasn’t even a monster, he was just a man. Which somehow made it worse.

  
-  
Yawning himself awake, Bill looked at the time, 2:50 am. He was on Richie’s couch. Eddie and Richie snuggled close on a lazy boy in the corner. Mike in the bathroom, Bill closed his eyes tightly when he heard the telltale sound of a sink running. Ben was sitting on the ground next to the couch eating popcorn watching some cheesy horror movie on film.

  
“W-Whu-What are y-y-u-you doing aw-wa-wake?” Bill stuttered out sleepily.

  
“Oh! Bill you scared me! I couldn’t sleep, I’m too excited about Bev visiting tomorrow.” Ben rushed out holding his chest. “Why are you awake?” He then asked shoveling a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

  
“I don’t know, but I’m burning up, maybe that’s why.” Just as he was saying that Bill noticed legs wrapped around his own. A fuzzy blanket weaved in and out of their combined legs. Stanley. Warm Stanley who still smelled like the buttery popcorn and cinnamon cookies they snacked on last night.

  
Very carefully Bill tried to pull his legs free. An annoyed sigh of breath blew curls into the air. Bill just stared in awe.

  
“You’re hopeless.” Ben laughed quietly. “and not subtle at all.”

  
“W-wh-at ar-are you ta-l-alking ab-b-out?!” Bill turned red and yanked his long legs away from Stanley. Which he regretted admittedly when Stanley gasped awake. He looked horrified and Bill gently grabbed onto his arm when Stanley tried to swing.

  
“Bill, oh, it’s just you. I’m sorry.” Stanley whispered breathless.

  
“I’m-m sor-sorry for wa-king you Stan.” Bill bit his lip. “It’s ear-ly go bac-k to sleep.”

  
“Have you ever noticed, you stutter less when you talk to Stanley?” Ben asked from the floor still eating that stale ass popcorn.

  
Both boys turned red and looked down. “No, I-I-I d-don’t!” Bill mumbled at the same time Stanley asked for the time.

  
“It’s 2:59, nearly 3.”

Bill tried to stop Ben from saying those words, he wasn't sure why, they just gave him a bad feeling- a secret Stan shouldn't hear, but as soon as Ben told him- Stanley stand up, nearly tripping with the covers still trapped around his legs. Bill stood up with him.

  
“It’s three? Three? Three?” Stanley looked far away.

  
Right at this moment Mike walked back into the room and Stanley dropped to his knees.

   
“Stanley?” Bill asked warily, starting to walk towards him.

  
All the commotion also woke up Richie and Eddie, Eddie looked ready to snap as Richie searched for his glasses. Once they both noticed Stanley on the ground any grumpy morning comments were thrown out the window.

  
“What’s he doing?” Eddie whispered softly. "Is he okay?"

  
They could all hear Stanley mumbling, but he became louder when he started to stand up. He kept praying on his hands and knees, curls caressing the ground, before standing all the way up, bending over slightly to where he was hunched over and then doing it all again. Faster and faster every time.

  
_“Mi Shebeirach avoteinu v’imoteinu,_  
_Avraham Yitzchak v’Yaakov,_  
_Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel v’Lei-ah,_  
_hu y’vareich et Stanley ben Donald Uris, Andrea Uris_  
_baavur she-alah_  
_lich’vod HaMakom, lich’vod haTorah._  
_Bis’char zeh HaKadosh Baruch Hu_  
_yishm’reihu_  
_v’yatzileihu_  
_mikol tzarah v’tzukah umikol nega umachalah,_  
_v’yishlach b’rachah v’hatzlachah_  
_v’chol maaseh yadav,_  
_im kol Yisrael. V’nomar: Amen. Amen. Amen._  
_שָׂטָן-Pennywise-שָׂטָן-Pennywise-שָׂטָן-Pennywise_  
_Adversary!! Adversary. Adversary.!!_  
_Save me from temptation. Save me from temptation. Save me from temptation.”_

Stan was on a rampage.

  
“He’s scaring me.” Eddie was crying- they all were crying.

  
Popcorn forgotten Ben looked to Bill obviously upset for “starting” this. Whatever this was. Bill had never seen Stanley like this, it didn’t make any sense.

“What do we do?” Ben was shaking. “Bill? I didn't mean to. Make him stop.”

  
Richie wrenched his arm free from Eddies tight grasp. “What are you doing Richie?!” Eddie was wide-eyed.

  
“I’m going slap him out of it or something!?”

  
He started heading towards Stanley, but Bill pushed him back towards Eddie. “No, don’t touch him, I got this.” Bill awkwardly grabbed Stanley’s face when he stood for the umpteenth time.

Stanley’s eyes were crazed. Looking for blessings or a saving grace Bill couldn’t give.

  
Not knowing what else to do.  
Bill kissed him slowly.

  
Then kissed him again.

  
And again.

  
Until Stanley closed his eyes, wrapped his arms around Bill’s neck, and kissed back.


	2. Kissing Purity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Summarized: Lots of soft kisses, supportive concerned friends, and a very freaked out Stanley + baddie omc introduced yo
> 
> warnings - mentions of suicide(not any of the loswers) and mental health instability

  
Kissing Stan was like kissing purity itself. Bill was tempted to seek out the pearl white feathers that he knew had to hidden under Stanley’s pressed button-up shirt. His hands ventured to slim hips and he moved to kiss Stan’s cheek. As much as he wanted to keep his lips connected to Stan, he wanted to make sure he was okay more.

  
“Ti-ti-time?” Bill rushed out, still locking eyes with Stan, taking breaks between breaths to kiss his cheek. “What’s the fucking time?” He yelled out loud this time, no stutter, shooting quick glances at his unblinking friends around the room.

  
“Um- it’s- uh- 4:05.” Mike answered, his voice was cracking and Bill could see his raw hands from rough scrubbing.

  
How was it already 4, he didn’t realize how long he stood here kissing Stan.

  
“Look, Stanley, hey it’s not even 3 anymore. It’s 4. Stanley look at me. It’s 4” Bill was desperate. Still gripping Stanley’s face in a firm but comforting hold. He could feel the scars left from sharp teeth. They were barely there now, but he could trace every single one of them from memory alone.

  
And he just now noticed, but they were in sets of three.

  
Richie couldn’t stand the tension of sorrow, he walked up to the two of them awkwardly. “Stan, are there?” He now stood to the side of them.

“Helllooooo” Richie dramatically echoed into Stan’s ear, with a British accent, before looking towards Bill- a fake curious smile and his head titled to the side, he made Bill red by saying. “Maybe we should all take turns kissing him.”

  
Eddie punched Richie hard in the arm.

  
“Ow! C’mon Eds, I was just joking. I figured annoying him would snap him out it or into it, if you know what i'm saying.” Another punch to the arm.

  
“Shut up! Not the time Richie.” Eddie replied.

  
“St-st-an-l-ley.” Bill stuttered more embarrassed now that he realized what they all saw him do, but with another courageous kiss to Stan’s marshmallow soft lips, Stan’s eyes thankfully refocused.

  
Stan looked around the room shyly. “Bill.” His voice shook. “Bill. Bill.”

“We-wel-come b-back.” Bill chuckled somberly. Tears still welled up in his eyes. It killed him to see any of his friends suffering. Especially sweet- precise Stanley.

  
With Pennywise, there was one force of evil he could beat up or blame for their pain, but Bill couldn’t stand up to the demons in their heads, he couldn’t even face his own.

  
Bill noticed the way Stanley kept opening and closing his mouth, one of his hands were tracing the path Bill’s kisses traveled and ended on his lips- he held them there, and it gave him the appearance how being shocked by something. The thought made Bill smile to himself.

  
Stan kept gaping like a fish out of water- he looked like he was coming up with an excuse for his episode.

  
“You don’t have to explain anything to us.” Ben tried to reassure him.

  
“Yeah, we could just go back to bed?” Eddie offered.

  
“I’m sorry. Sorry. Sorry.” Stanley mumbled after a few more seconds of silence. “The time. It was the time. You must understand. I was meant to wake up at that exact time. He, God, wanted me to pray for my soul. My soul, my soul. I had a dream, before I woke up. We were all in danger again. It was my fault. Punished. Punished. Punished for my weakness.” He looked around at all the pitying faces and his cheeks turned into a rose pink and a furrow appeared in his brow.

  
He looked like he was getting upset.

  
Bill just wanted to kiss him again. To ease him with a peck on the nose, or on his forehead, or the edge of his cupids bow. What if Stan didn’t want him to? What if he overstepped his boundaries? Was he so gone in his delusion that he didn’t feel Bill’s gentle kiss?

“I thought Jews didn’t believe in punishment? I thought in God’s eyes everyone was good?” Ben questioned out-loud.

  
“He created that thing, didn’t he? He created IT- and if he didn’t something else did! Something evil. Something evil. Something evil.” Stan's head slightly twitched with each repeated word, like it was bothering him.

“You guys don’t believe me? You think I’m crazy!” He then accused them all, but only looked into Bill's eyes.

  
“I-i-i-.. stan-st-ley- IT-IT- we kil-”

  
“Let’s just go back to sleep.” Stanley cut him off returning to the couch, wrapping up in a blanket, and turning away from them.

  
Bill just nodded at his friends, as a sign to tell them to leave it alone for now. They all returned to their earlier assigned sleeping spots.

  
And no one could sleep the rest of the night.

\--

In another part of the town sat Terrence Grady.

  
Terry was the town’s new sheriff, after the oh-so-unfortunate departure of the town’s late “hero”, who was also an old friend of his from junior high, Officer Bowers.

  
Hero, the paper said, Terry scoffed, he knew better- Butch was nothing more than a punk ass kid, who always pretended to be the tough bad boy, but he really he was just a worthless pansy.

  
Terrence had heard he died like one as well, couldn’t even control his damn spawn. Terrence didn’t feel sorry for him or the asshole kid. Terry always thought Butch was too easy on Henry- it was one of the reasons they stopped talking and Terry moved away.

  
Rolling his eyes at the memories- Terrence continued reading the paper outside of his small two-bedroom home. Starting his second pack of cigarettes that day, letting the smoke fill his lungs and ease out of his nose.

Relieving him of the headache that was Derry, Maine.

He blew smoke rings into the navy painted sky that matched his eyes. It made him look like some mystical dragon.

  
That’s what his wife said anyways, smoke poured out of him like a dragon readying to spit fire, then of course she would run her mouth off about how it was going to be what killed him.

  
And fuck if he wishes she was right, if only she knew, what really killed him was her. Well, her not being here anymore. Her death was his own in a way.

  
Sure, he hung around Butch and all the other misfits of the town- when he was young. Killing rabbits and cats, picking up the older girl’s skirts with long wooden sticks, and he never felt sorry or cared about anyone feelings.

  
Except hers.

  
She turned into his world. She was kind and innocent in a way he couldn’t explain. She always said the right things, and she honestly believed that he could be saved. That he could change into an honest-loyal-caring husband.

  
He wishes he could have. For her.

  
Sighing deeply, he touches the cherry end of his cigarette onto his forearm. It doesn’t hurt him, he can’t explain it, but he hasn’t been able to feel any painful sensations since he was a child. Well, he couldn’t feel any sensations.

  
The arm hair singed into perfect circles that reminded him of the buttons on her yellow sundresses; as much as the smoke in the frosty night air reminded him of her tight wound curls- swirling above his head like a cruel reminder of something he’d never see again, only in flashes of self-loathing and the feeling of nothingness.

  
She killed herself, but everyone from his previous town said it was Terrence who was to blame for her death, he had killed her with his harsh words and bruising grip. ‘He was 10 years older than her, you know!’ ‘I heard he hit her.’ ‘She had to stay for the money.’ ‘She was a petite thing couldn’t defend herself.’ They whispered.

  
It all became too much, so with a small amount of effort, Terrance moved back to his childhood home.

To Derry.

  
He swore he’d come back here, but he also swore he’d never hurt his wife.

  
Being back here in Derry was like eating broken glass, memories of monsters and missing children entered his brain. A blurred shadow with red hair whispering things into his ear, telling him that he’d never be able to feel anything so he might as well float. Whatever that meant.

  
And fuck those whispers, because he did feel something. In fact, he felt everything with his wife. Everything normal people felt. Love. Anger. Obsession. Envy. Jealously. Ownership. His own twisted version of happiness. To have something so sweet for his own.

  
Even though he’d give anything to be with her again, he also hated her guts. How dare she leave him! She belonged to him. It wasn’t fair. She had no right to kill herself. She had no right to vanish on him, leave him with the same emptiness he felt before meeting her.

  
Memories of her always sent him on a turbulent downfall.

He always thought of her.

  
He needed something else to make him feel again.  
  
-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the love and kudos. honestly kind of hate my chapter one, i end up redoing it. idk.
> 
> um heres my tumblr, im really nice but awkward, come chat me up or tell me to follow you and i will unless you like are not nice or reblog porn or something  
> idk im rambling heres the link https://richietozier-losersclubrep.tumblr.com/
> 
> please give me your opinions x  
> lemmy

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know what you think <3
> 
> if you didn't figure it out- this story will be leaning more towards Stanley/Bill centric, but the other losers will definitely be in it a lot (probably as much as Stanley/Bill)
> 
> -Lemmy x


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